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3 simple reasons why you shouldn’t cut people off

By Bernice Bitrus

Burn bridges! Cut people off! If they bring no value to your life and add no worth to your business; if they exhume toxicity all around you and reeks negative energy, just let them go without any reservation. This is an existing standard that’s been in existence for ages and has become the accepted norm. But what if it is one of the tons of things we have learnt and held on to over the years that needs to be unlearned. Just what if…

The term burn bridges is defined as the act of unpleasantly and permanently ending relations with another person, or an organization.

There’s a long list of articles on cutting people off, from giving you reasons why you should, to telling you how to and to telling you it’s okay, and oh you should feel no guilt.

T.D. Jakes wrote; “many times, we don’t fully grasp when circumstances change and an individual no longer adds value to our lives. Most people have difficulty figuring out what to do once they realize this. While it may seem somewhat harsh or insensitive to break ties, it is perfectly fine, and in fact, very healthy to cut people off”.

Another writer puts it more succinctly. Stating that they’ve had to cut people off as a result of personal changes after being a pushover for most of their lives, they leave behind some who may not be able to handle the changes; and others who they simply don’t want to put up with anymore now that they have raised their standards and outgrown them.

It’s not easy to detach from people you’ve had close ties with but sometimes it’s necessary in order to restore your sanity. However I would say, while it may seem healthy, and in most cases the only logical thing to do, it is outright cruel and insensitive, perhaps even hasty. And trust me this is coming from a place of experience, having been someone who at a time in my life absolutely enjoyed shutting people out without warning.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Some people are sunup witches and wizards whose only joy is frustrating other people. Ultimately, it’s your life and you can choose to do with it as you please in your best interest. However what is life really if we don’t get these subtle reminders that might be contrary to everything that seems acceptable.

Some people come into your life to cheer you up and on, while some are there to hurt you, others will help you grow. Some people’s job in your life is to test and try you to prepare you for a bigger challenge you may encounter later on in life. There’ll be people whose lives would greatly inspire you, and there’ll be those who’ll bring nothing but toxicity.

You would have to know who is truly toxic though, because some people may be acting weird around you based on personal challenges, and it wouldn’t be fair to shut someone like that out of your life.

Well if it’s any consolation, pretty much everyone has been guilty of shutting certain people out, simply because they do not bring any kind of worth whatsoever to their lives. As a matter of fact, it is highly possible that the people who will fall in that category would be more in number when compared with the ones who would totally blow your mind over.

And although these are my own opinions; you do not have to agree with me; however as I think my way through this, it is worth considering and I invite you to share your opinions and experiences.

So, before you dismiss people as people who bring no value to you, consider these three possibilities.

What if the value they are to bring to your life is time-bound? And you have been positioned to build a relationship for posterity’s sake.

What if they’re not the value bringer and you are? In which case shutting them out would mean the opportunity to affect them would have been lost.

And what if it’s a case of someone who NO LONGER adds anything to your life, keyword no longer, which means if they once brought values to your life, the question to ask yourself is if YOU added any values to them at the time they were still “useful” to you?

How would you feel if the situation were to be reversed? It certainly wouldn’t feel good knowing that someone chose to kick you to the curb when it was about their time to reciprocate the addition of value.

It’s rather selfish, and although the human nature is naturally selfish, we can choose to switch that mindset off. I say this because it is quite easy to think it is other people that should bring value to us; this is the established thought sequence for most people.

Of course self centeredness is the natural state of human lives, and while it might be okay to be solely concerned about one’s self and prioritize personal needs above other people’s needs, we should always consider other people. It is important to know who falls on what category and tread with caution just to be certain you’re not pushing aside someone who might be facing a secret battle.

So, before you cut them off, be sure to give it a second thought. Look back in retrospect with certainty that you have played a part in the person’s life, and now you can go no farther.

Conclusively, if you feel your peace has become threatened in a relationship and must sever ties with people, consider keeping a healthy distance at first, rather than just booting people to the curbs. In my own words I’d say, don’t burn bridges, loosen some knots to weaken the firmness of the bridge rather than setting fire to it. That should definitely send a message across. It is highly impossible not to know a shaky bridge when we see one.

Read more: https://www.tdjakes.com/posts/5-reasons-it-s-ok-to-cut-someone-out-of-your-life

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=burning%20bridges

Christmas Stovetop Potpourri

By Bernice Bitrus

With the Lights, the fir trees, the gifts, the candy cane, season greetings and compliments, the merry Christmases, the happy holidays, the happy new years in advance the same to yous and all the other stuff you’ll hear around this time of the year, comes the different kinds of food, that would result from baking, cooking, frying and steaming. A lot of which would require the use of different types of condiments and spices that would lead to some strong aroma, which is likely to linger in the air leaving your home with a rather unpleasant smell.

In this part of the world, the aftermath smell of cooking can be rather too pungent. You’d sometimes have to leave your windows open and perhaps doors too to rid your home of the lingering smell of food. I don’t know about you, I don’t like the smell of food in the air.

Well air fresheners and reed diffusers might help but you would have to endure the smell, unless it’s the kind of reed that slowly releases scent like smoke from a chimney. So if you’re like me who wants instant refreshers, then try making a stovetop potpourri aka simmer pot aka simmering spices. Stovetop potpourri has been in existence for ages and it is simply using fruits, spices, herbs and flowers to neutralize unbearable odors.

This recipe I’m sharing I nicknamed “the simmer pot 10” – just because I used 10 items (ingredients).

To make it, you’ll need:

Apples

Clementines

Lemons

Star anise

Cinnamon stick

Oregano leaves

Bay leaves

Cumin seeds

Drops of tea tree oil and

Drops of peppermint oil

The process…

Slice the fruits

Select your herbs

Place in a pot

If you want to use the oils, add them

Add water to cover the fruits

Allow to simmer on low heat

Please note that you can use your own preferred mix of fruits and herbs, and even fruit peels.

Also, PLEASE DO NOT CONSUME! Although fruits and herbs are healthy and absolutely delicious when made into tea, however DO NOT CONSUME this combination. Yes they’re edibles, but they are not meant to be eaten only; it’s delightful to know that the benefits of these stuff goes beyond just ingesting them.

In summary, simmering spices are a great way to get your home and spaces to smell fresh and delicious, and for a very long time too as the smell lingers on for hours.

Another thing to also bear in mind is that you can sieve the liquid (which I prefer to call juice tea but still doesn’t make it edible) and put in a spray bottle to use around the house as a room spray.

I can’t say if this is economically viable, seeing how some of these fruits are pricey, but you really just need one fruit or less and a tiny amount of spices and herbs. And when you get the extracted juice tea in your spray bottle you probably won’t have to get the conventional room sprays.

I hope you find this helpful. Do let me know if you tried it out; and if you have your own special potpourri recipe, please do share.

Stay positive.

People’s behavior and attitude reflects them not you

By Bernice Bitrus

Have you ever been in a position where you’re confused about how a person treated you or responded to something you had to say? Or maybe didn’t respond to what you had to say, perhaps because you were considered undeserving of any response? You know that feeling when you can confidently affirm that a person is being hostile to you for no just cause? Well I know the feeling.

A lot of time that unnecessary hostility is as a result of personal issues, not necessarily because of anything you’ve done or not done.

There’s a term for this, it’s called psychological projection. A situation where people accuse others of having the same behaviors and feelings they themselves were demonstrating or experiencing.

People will project their sadness, madness, hatred, fears and toxicity towards you whether you deserve it or not. It is highly possible that some people actually deserve hostility, but it is also highly possible to refuse to be hostile to them regardless of how they may deserve it.

People’s behavior and attitude reflects them not you. When people project toxicity in any form towards you, you shouldn’t beat yourself up, that’s on them not on you. So let them be them and you be you.

You can attempt to see things differently and not beat yourself up thinking you did something wrong when in fact you’re only a victim of someone else’s self esteem issues.

A wealthy man like Dangote in spite of his wealth is not loved by everyone. There are people who hate his gut simply because they consider themselves deserving of his money than he is. Sure, there are people like that. Some of them you’d be surprised are your closest friends and family.

Furthermore, going by the details of Bible stories and occurrences, Jesus Christ was the kindest man to walk this earth, I mean all He did was good right, but he was crucified. This alone is enough to clarify the point of this matter.

There’s always going to be strife. However, make it your duty to live in peace and be at peace. You don’t have to return the same energy. When hatred is projected towards you, you can choose to ignore, because they probably don’t actually hate you it’s just who they are and what they’re experiencing.

Some people are actually just misomaniac by default; dragging others along with them on their roller coaster of feelings. If you experience bitterness from anyone, don’t blame yourself for it unless you were “first to do”.

And if you are guilty of this, you can change starting with doing some inner search, I mean some deep soul searching. It’s absolutely unfair that people have to live their lives through hurt and uncertainties because of someone else’s projections of their issues towards them.

Stay positive.

My mummy’s ofe nsala

By Nenye Anosike

Hi I’m Nenye and I’m a food addict.

You must be wondering what sort of introduction is that?(haha). What I mean is I love food and I’m constantly looking for faster, cheaper ways to make excellent meals. I love to enjoy my meals and I want to believe I’m not the only one.

Today I want to share a soup recipe I learnt from my mother, Ofe Nsala – white soup. This soup takes under an hour to cook (depending on your speed and proficiency though). Some say ofe nsala is from Anambra and I have to agree as a proud Anambra girl. I would like to add also that my mother makes the best ofe nsala if I do say so myself.

This soup is known as white soup because palm oil is not used in its preparation. It is typically prepared with fresh fish and dried fish; however if you’re a meat lover like me you can add whatever meat you want.

Awesome right!

Ofe nsala is one Igbo soup I grew up eating and loved (see eh just come first in your class or pass your exams with an A and be sure of a big bowl of ofe nsala with plenty chicken, goat meat, beef and dried fish).

It’s a soup that whenever I need to make soup either for the house or entertaining and I don’t have the time to go shopping, have limited funds and still want to make an impressive meal I make. The amazing thing about this soup is, it can be made to whatever you like. It can be simple or very rich.

The thickener for ofe nsala is pounded yam and the good thing is you get to determine its consistency.

It is recommended for postpartum care because of the herbs used to make the soup. It’s best served with pounded yam but you can use any swallow of choice.

I can talk sha the summary of this whole talk is, ofe nsala is your peppersoup with a slight variation.

Enough talking let’s get to work

Ingredients. You’ll need;

1. Assorted Meat or Chicken.

2. 1 Medium Size Fresh Fish (Preferably Catfish cut in large chunks).

3. 2-3 Pieces of Stockfish head depending on the size

4. 1-2 dry fish depending on the size too.

5. Crayfish

6. Dry Ground Pepper or Fresh Yellow pepper (to taste)

7. 1 Small Chunk of Ogiri Okpei ( this is the igbo version of dadawa)

8. A handful of thinly sliced Uziza Leaves

9. 2 leaves of thinly sliced Utazi

10. 1 Teaspoon Uziza seeds (Uziza seeds, just use 2 tablespoons pepper soup spice)

11. 4 Medium Slices of Yam

12. Seasoning cubes

13. Salt to taste

Let’s cook:

 Pour water in your pot. The amount of water you use depends on the number of people you’re cooking and your ingredients.

 Properly wash your meat, stockfish and dry fish and set aside then season and cook the meat, adding onions, seasoning cube and salt to taste.

 Add the pieces of yam and simply bring the meats to a boil.

 When the yam is soft and moist, bring them out and place in a mortar. Pound the cooked yam in a mortar till smooth and stretchy.

 When your meat is half done, add the catfish and stockfish (this is so the fish doesn’t break and disappear)

Tip: to clean your fish, pour the boiling water over the clean and gutted catfish. Let it sit for about 5 minutes. You will see the slime come off. Drain after the 5 minutes and using a butter knife or a blunt knife, gently scrape the slime off and rinse.

NOTE : if you’re not using meat please skip the part of the meat and if you’re not using the catfish skip that part too.

 Add the yam into the pot of Ofe Nsala in small lumps, cover and continue cooking. Once the yam dissolves and thickens the soup, it is done. If you achieve medium consistency before all the yam is dissolved, take out the undissolved yam because you do not want the Ofe Nsala to be too thick.

 Blend/pound/mash the uziza seeds, the pepper, the ogiri okpei and the crayfish (please be careful with the pepper, the uziza seeds can also be peppery).

 Add your dry fish.

 Taste your soup at this time and add stock cubes/salt or more crayfish to improve the taste if it doesn’t taste nice yet. Also if the soup isn’t as thick as you want, add more pounded yam. If too thick add more water.

 You can now go ahead and add the sliced uziza and utazi leaves (the utazi should be used sparingly for white soup; the reason is just to add a faint bitter taste and not turn it to bitterleaf soup).

 Allow to boil for the next few minutes and you can go ahead to serve your delicious ofe nsala with pounded yam or any swallow of your choice.

Please let me know how it goes and if you enjoyed your meal as much as I enjoyed sharing it with you!

I’m A Feminist But…

The topic Feminism is a thrilling one that has been around for over a century. Though millions of people now support this movement, there are also millions who criticize and express concern about its growing popularity.

Nenye Anosike… Innerglasses

Nenye a devotee on issues bordering on gender parity and the education of the girl child, takes us on an interesting journey into the world of feminism. She raises questions about the movement that we believe many people may have as well wondered about in the surge of all the recent controversial stories surrounding the advocacy.

We hope you get some of your questions answered from the plethora of perspectives in the post, and also leave behind one or two thoughts worth learning from.

Cheers!

innerglasses's avatarInnerglasses

I know you must be wondering where she has been? Why the long silence? I’m so sorry for being away for so long, life just keeps getting in the way (in a good way though😁).
Can I still say Happy New Year??
Can I also say I come bearing gifts? By gifts I mean a very interesting topic:
There’s a lot of talk and misconception about the subject FEMINISM.

So this promises to be a long, interesting as well as controversial conversation as I would be sharing my thoughts and the thoughts of others.

So please join us on this journey as we unravel this concept.

I have tried to compile some questions that come easily to mind and I would like for you to attempt answering them as we start off :
I. What is feminism?
II. What does feminism mean to you?
III. Why is the term feminism…

View original post 2,233 more words

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